Missed Chances...

A Letter I Should Have Written

Gednat:

I enjoy expressing myself in letters, so I'm quite baffled now to realize I never wrote you one...maybe it was foolish of me to believe that you would always be there...that all of us would enjoy long life and die when we are already old.

December...you texted me, saying you are in Manila at the moment. You asked if Sam and I were still working in Manila...I answered no...Sam has long been staying in Pangasinan and I have already transferred to Nueva Ecija.
You asked again if anyone is free to meet up...I excused myself reasoning I have some chores to do in Baguio. You replied commenting its quite sad that you'd have to spend your time then in Manila alone. I texted back, (in a very humoous tone) "Well, kung minsan, may mga pagkakataon talagang kailangan nating mag-isa..."

I did not known then that...that would be the last time that I would hear from you...alive. (Had I known...do you think I would have dropped whatever I was doing at that time to meet up?)

The next time I did hear from you was when I was tagged in an FB post...your name was on the list of casualties of the BIFF-MILF and PNP-SAF encounter in Maguindanao last January 25.


At first I felt indifferent, it didn't really sink in at all...until the text messages came pouring in...and the calls came...I don't know I said...I have no news yet...

The whole afternoon passed by...and I was still in denial...I felt numb.

Later that evening, as I was scanning the different news articles written about the incident where you were involved in...the tears came pouring out in a rush...as I kept seeing your name in one page and in another...realization set in and the little hope that I have held on tight slowly slipped away...

After your parents have confirmed it that you are indeed gone...it was until then that I realized the gravity of the situation. All hopes, dreams, wishes...gone away.

My thoughts suddenly went back to your wedding last October...picturing your easy smile...your happy face...beaming at your pretty wife...laughing with your comrades. During the reception, as you were dancing with your wife and your family...I smiled and was amazed...I even said that the two of you made the impossible: two different cultures (North and South) coming together in one perfect union.

I look back further...and remember you during our college days, before you transferred to PNPA and embarked on your police career: the cheerful, helpful, understanding, energetic, reliable, unique, intelligent and very mature Gednat...qualities that you possessed till your death, qualities that endeared you to others. 

You were with us in BSU for 2 years...short time but we have come to know you well, and built a friendship that lasted until now. The experiences and memories that we have created in that time will continue to live even if you are gone...

Gednat...you are a very good friend...
You were the one that would initiate little re-unions...I recall you would visit us at BSU (when we were still undergrads) during your short breaks from the academy.
When you were stationed in Rizal and Sam and I were working in Manila, you would insist on meeting us if you get a break during your training. On one occasion, you and Sam even had to wait till 11pm for me to get back from my duty in Laguna!-just so we could grab a late night dinner and be able to chat.

No matter where you were...no matter how far, you would still keep in touch. A simple hi and hello...but you never did forget. 

At that point I stopped and wondered...why you? Gednat...who is full of promise...he who is full of life! You who had a lot of things to look forward to, you just settled down and is planning to start your family...it was unfair that even before you were able to get a head-start in life, everything was snatched away in an instant!

That unfortunate incident last Sunday took away your life and the life of numerous others...promising lives that were cut off abruptly...maybe that what makes it painful...you were taken away so suddenly that we had no time to comprehend what was happening until it was too late.

The pain I am feeling right now mirrors what our other friends are feeling...we are all mourning your loss...and is still on the throes of coming to terms of the fact that we will never see your happy smile again, except in our memories...

Yet I know, the pain I am experiencing would not compare to the grief your wife and family would be feeling right now...their loss is great indeed...and my heart cries even more.

It's actually weird, do you recall the last time we came together as DVM-T1? It was during Dorcas' funeral way back in (2008 ?)...and we hope to come again together...for you. We hope to come together for your vigil...

Healing...is a long process...it would take time before we can finally accept what happened...but the void you left would leave a scar. We miss you so much already.

I am praying...and hoping...that you are in a better place now...that from wherever you are up there, may you look down on us  here and smile upon us...look upon us fondly and guide us as we try to move on with our lives...

Farewell dear friend...


Sincerely yours,
Jovie